Posts tagged ‘#restart’

When Life Throws You Lemons…

It seems that over the past couple of weeks, it has been one thing, after another, after another, after another, and seriously there was no lemonade wanting to be made. I would have gathered just sat there and sucked on them and let the sour feeling flow through my blood and shut me off from the rest of the world. Literally.

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So, if you’ve followed my blog or you know me, you know that it takes a lot for me to get to this point. It really takes so much stress to pull me into this kind of funk, and let’s be real, it’s a sucky feeling. With everything, there has to be a balance in your life: between working out, eating, school work, teaching, growing your small business, (if you do this) practicing your music so you can grow small business–it’s all part of balance. And I let mine get out of whack.

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How did I do this? They weren’t big things to some people, but to me–they were, because I’m that type of person where, if I do one thing, ONE THING, off of what I think I should, I beat myself up for it. I have a hard time forgiving myself for it. For example: had 5 slices of pizza after I ate my supper on Tuesday (didn’t have any shame until yesterday 😛 ), banana bread, those saltine cracker things (I call them crack crackers) were in the house…ate almost the whole bag. Peanut butter……yeah, we won’t go there. But I realize looking back, there was something there, in my mind, that pushed me to let those lemons get to me.

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Working out helped. I mean it seriously did! I’m officially on week 8 of 22 Hard Corps which I am totally stoked about. I kind of feel that I cheated week 7 from doing what it needed to do with what I ate–but hey, we’re all human. I have those days, I have those weeks as you guys know. So now what do I do from this moment on?

Well, I move forward! It’s Sunday! It’s a fresh start. It’s a clean slate to envision goals and go for them! It’s looking forward to a fun weekend coming, BUT not being able to allow myself to live in the now, in the moment that I am present in! It’s me taking every minute I have and making the most of them!

And that’s what I’m doing. I’m taking the lemons that life has given me these past couple of months and I’m squirting life in the eye with them. No lemonade–this time I’m sticking it to the man!! Now for some, making lemonade is what they need. They need that sweet taste of victory. But this week….I’m not looking for sweet victory. I’m looking for the total feeling on conquering what plagued me these past few weeks. So guys, don’t let the lemons get into you and make you sour! Don’t let what happened last week dictate this week. Take those lemons and do something with them. And personally—I’m squirting life in the eyes!

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Fear of…Success

Well hello there world wide web! Long time no hear! It’s been a couple busy months since we last spoke, and lets face it…I’m terrible at remembering to write. Course, it would help knowing what I should write about 😛 (Writer’s block anyone?)

With all the graduations that had been happening, it made me kind of think about what I would say to a graduating class should I get the chance. And this thought came to mind: what if, what if it’s not the fear of failure that holds us back from following our dreams–but rather the fear of success?

The fear of success? Is that really a thing? Can someone actually fear success? But why would they? Isn’t success the one thing we strive for? So who knows if this is actually a thing, but I think that it is possible. And I think it’s actually the one thing that has probably unconsciously kept me from pursuing my dreams to pursue my career in music. So let me explain my thoughts:

The fear of failure is obvious. If you’re really curious, this is called Atychiphobia. The fear of failure just means the we are aware that we can mess up big and so we don’t push ourselves outside of our comfort zone. We don’t want to mess up. We don’t want to fail and have people look at us with that smug, “I told you so” look. It keeps us from following our dreams and achieving what we are possible. Curiously, I looked up the fear of success and I came up with this. It is a real thing as Atychiphobia, with the same symptoms and all but instead fear of success is labeled Achievemephobia (someone correct me–Google can lie sometimes). 😛

But the question returns–why would someone be afraid of success? Again I turn to my own life this past year. I dream, I have big dreams, big plans that I would like to see my life go. I would love to sing, write songs, and perform for a living. It’s my ultimate goal in life. As I have worked a part-time job teaching, and applied to many jobs that aren’t very ‘creative’, I’ve come to know–I was meant to perform. I was created to sing. Going through school, our teachers gave us the reality that trying to work in the music industry would be hard and a lot of ground work. Failure is eminent at many steps along the way. (Fear of failure established) So the question is, how will you react and you will get right back up and ride when you get bucked off.

So fear of success? (Ok, I’m not going to say that I’m going to be the next big hit on any country radio station…..though that would totally and extremely amazing) But subconsciously I think, what if I did become successful. Doesn’t even have to be music related, just successful in general. It could mean that success may pull me away from my family. (I’m very family-oriented and seriously, I love being around my family as much as I can). Especially since my grandpa just died, I know that I only have a bit of time left with my grandma’s…but does that mean that I’m sacrificing my dreams and life to hold on to that? Success may require me to move to one of the coasts (O_O) It could mean being placed into a spotlight where people don’t agree with me, I will be judged, I will have to make big business decisions, and I’ll be pulled away from my home church.

…………….but I have a gift. Something I want to share with the world. A gift that God has given me to use to His glory, and I also don’t want to waste that. I’m a farmer’s daughter, a Kansas princess, and yes–though success could possibly pull from what and who I love….it doesn’t mean that I’ll be gone forever. Good bye isn’t forever. It’s not good-bye, it’s just see ya later. Aloha Oe.

Following your dreams are scary. There is that risk factor. There will be moments of failure, but failure teaches us that there’s always another door to go through. I read this excerpt out of a book, and it really stuck with me.”The thing about fear is that you can’t just ignore it. You can’t pretend it isn’t there, jut out your chin and keep going, because one day, right at the worst possible moment, you’ll slip and fall, and that fear will come bursting out and leave you shaking and helpless. No, the thing with fear is that you have to embrace it. You have to know it like an enemy, you have to understand how it makes you think and feel, and how much it twists your mind and reason. Once you know all that, it can’t surprise you. It can’t control you–you control it.” ~Sally Malcom (Stargate SGA-01: Rising)

Where’s all this going. I have decided that I will take that quotes advice and I won’t let fear, either of failure or success, hold me back from the journey and path that God has placed ahead of me. I don’t know where I’m going, but I know it has to do with music, and it’s something I need to share with the world. Also keeping in mind what Tim McGraw says, “Hold the door, say please, say thank you. Don’t steal, don’t cheat, don’t lie. I know you got mountains to climb, but always stay humble and kind. When those dreams you’re dreaming come to you, when the work you put in is realized. Let yourself feel the pride but, always stay humble and kind.”

Don’t fear failure, don’t fear success, know how they make you feel and you can control them. Be happy, live life, and be humble and kind.